This weeks blog post is not a happy one and I've toyed around with the idea of maybe leaving this entry for a private journal because this is incredibly personal and hard. I've decided to share though and hopefully people who are going through the same thing will find solace in the fact that I share your sadness.
My Mum and Dad are officially seperating. My Mum is leaving my Dad. I'm heartbroken and so unbelievably frustrated. At the beginning of summer Mum wanted to leave but she never left, and over time, despite our relationship being incredibly awkward and my parents barely speaking at times, I deluded myself into believing that they would get through this and stay together.
I don't know how to get through this. I think if it was just me it would be easier, but I have a younger brother and two sisters and they are seriously hurting.
Today is the 12th of October and my mum has told us that while she is leaving my dad, she is staying with us in our home until mid January so that she can sort some things out. It sucks, and my Dad is falling apart. Seeing my father cry is undoubtedly the hardest thing I've ever experienced, it just seems so wrong. As the oldest I feel as though I have a real responsibility to be strong and brave but it's not easy at times. My heart is breaking and sometimes it's hard to imagine getting through the pain. Everytime I imagine Christmas, I panic. If mum is here it will be awkward and sad knowing that it is her last Christmas with us a family, and if she is gone it will be unbearable watching my father alone.
There has been so much crying over the last few days and I feel a little drained and empty. I don't know how it's going to get easier while mum is still under this roof plotting and planning her new life. In the movies when two parents sit their children down to tell them they're seperating, one parent usually leaves that same night or the next day. I guess it's not so simple in real life.
I really have hummed and hawed over posting this but it's written now and I might as well. I don't know who reads this blog other than my best friends but if you read this and you are hurting, I hope you find even a smidge of solace in knowing that somebody else feels your pain and knows what you are going through.
Thank you for reading!
Love,
Leighanne x
