Episode 2 - Growing up.

Hello again friends!

I thought that my second post could talk about the complexities of moving away, and write about how it feels to have an idea in your mind of when you want to go and then realizing that that means saying goodbye to people. I come from a very close-knit family. There are six of us and we live in each others pockets - we know everything there is to know about everyone. Since I finished college two years ago, I've lived at home with this mad bunch. My Dad, runs his own computer business which operates from my house, and so he is always, always, always around. My Mom, who works in a factory, is home from work most evenings at 5pm. My brother Ross, although in college studying Social Care is home every evening as he commutes. My sister Ericka studies French and Media in university, and she too commutes daily. My little sister Emily, is still in secondary school and therefore is home too. As I said in my previous post, David, my boyfriend lives here too. The point I'm getting at -as I'm sure you're wondering by now!- is that I am used to having my family around me ALL the time and moving away means losing that.

I know, I know, everyone goes through it. I'ts how you grow, and become independent and learn, but it's quite scary. When I lived in Galway while attending college, I came home literally every weekend. I know what I'm about to say will sound crazy to most people, but the longest time I've actually been away from my home is two weeks, and that was only because I was abroad on holidays. Don't get me wrong - I cannot wait to move! Living in a small town has nearly driven me crazy - everything is so clicky and connected, and there can sometimes be this air of helplessness. Everyone has something to complain about, but no one is willing to do anything to change their situation, you know? Despite all this though, there's just something about home. There's something special about knowing your streets so well you could walk them blind-folded. There's something comforting about knowing all of your neighbours, and their children, and their grandchildren and their pets. There is something unbelievably heart-warming about the corner shop staff knowing what you want to buy, or the post man knowing your name, or the fact your old school is up the road. I have such a sense of comfort in this small town, and I think it's fair to say that I have often confused this with predictability. I crave the idea of being a little fish in a big pond, but I know that I will miss the feeling of being in small pond. It's all very confusing, and sometimes I freak out a little when I think about it all.

It probably sounds like I'm never coming home, or that London is a million miles away from here and to some, I may sound dramatic. Of course I plan on coming home! Christmas, birthdays, surprise visits to my best friends.. I'll be back. I just feel in my heart and soul that this whole moving malarkey marks the end of an era. I guess I know deep down that my little town will become a place I visit, and that it's time to find my next home.

I guess I've realised that it's time to grow up, and that's the scariest thing of all.

Thanks for reading! <3

Love,

Leighanne x